And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
