Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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