btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
