I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
