he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
