Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
