I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
