The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
