and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
