Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize