Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
