Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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