please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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