I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
