why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
