1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
