Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
