I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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