I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so let's talk penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.