I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.