I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This couple is walking their pig around campus