Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.