my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
