Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.