Babe...You're really smothering me right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.