This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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