Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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