I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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