My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
