dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want to be your penis for a week.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
