It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
