Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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