Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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