me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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