Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
