she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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