I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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