He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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