I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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