cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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