Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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