I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
