i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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