Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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