We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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