Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
