dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
