Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
