There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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