"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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