Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
