I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
