Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
not ubering you a puppy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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