Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
