I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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