Screwed.edu
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
