I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
