i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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