Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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