I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
