Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
