You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
