my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
