i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
