Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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