just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
