I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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