She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
