I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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