Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
