dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
