So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
