I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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