I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Two words: blizzard sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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