I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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