Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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