I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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