They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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